"Brian Tschiegg" (WritingInCars)
08/21/2013 at 13:14 • Filed to: GM, Chrysler, PT Cruiser
4
39|
"Brian Tschiegg" (WritingInCars)
08/21/2013 at 13:14 • Filed to: GM, Chrysler, PT Cruiser | 4
| 39 |
(Full Disclosure: I hate this car.)
(Programming Note: This was posted on my personal blog when I first was learning to Kinja. I wanted to repost it so that more than two people would see it.)
A couple of days ago, an article went up asking what the most inexplicable car buying decision was. A man identified only as User1312 came to the defense of the Dodge Caliber, the car inexplicably purchased by so many people, by comparing it to the PT Cruiser. As the one time owner of a PT Cruiser, this riled me up so bad that I might have referred to owning a Cruiser as a “holocaust.” User1312 stated that the Cruiser “wasn’t a bad car, it just never got a refresh.” My experience with the car proves quite the opposite, that it was indeed a bad car.
First let me explain the inexplicable: the decision to purchase a PT Cruiser. My grandma was getting up in age and was having trouble getting in and out of cars. Since the Cruiser has what amounts to kitchen chairs mounted on top of the chassis, it was an easy height for her to drop in on and it was high enough that she could just swing out, so my dad and my uncle went to “go look” at a PT Cruiser. They returned three hours later with what can only be described as one of the most embarrassing cars to exist. It was purple and had a set of vinyl purple flames smeared across the body leading from the grill.
My dad hopped out of the car and slammed the door shut. Beaming proudly at me, he said, “So what do you think?”
Mouth hanging open in shock and disgust all I could muster was a small squeak, “it’s terrible.”
“It’s yours.”
I was 15 and I had just gotten my learner’s permit. Soon, I had thought, the world will be my oyster and all the girls in that world will need a ride. A year later, I inherited the PT Flamer as it had become known in my family and that dream died a brutal and horrifying death.
The Flamer with its horribly underpowered engine, cheap plastic, and god awful styling was my daily driver for the next couple of years. This was not a peaceful time. The Flamer was constantly trying to kill me because it knew how much I loathed it. The overdrive would refuse to kick in when merging on the highway, the engine revving freely without any intent on propelling me faster. Braking for anything that was less than a mile away was a feat on par with stopping a Carnival cruise ship with a sternly worded letter. (I should also mention the lack of ABS here. Terrifying for a kid who doesn’t know that when you lock the wheel s you cannot steer.) Not to mention the threats I got when driving anywhere from downtown Baltimore to the Deep South. (It also turns out people assume a lot about a person from the car they’re driving.)
By far the worst part of the car was the styling, which I’ll remind you User1312 referred to as “unique.” It sticks out from every other car there is making you immediately noticeable. Not a problem if you’re in a nice car like an Aston or a Porsche, but in the PT Cruiser it made everyone immediately aware that you have awful taste. Picking up girls in the Cruiser was more difficult than picking up the island of Japan and moving it to the right two inches. Even when I managed to get a girl interested enough to go home with me, I would have to preface my car on the walk to the car: “So, um, it’s a PT Cruiser…and it’s purple…and it has flames…” I can’t count the number of times a car full of girls pulled up next to me only to speed away laughing and dreaming about guys who owned Mustangs.
Besides the lack of performance and horrible styling, the reliability of the mechanical parts was…lacking. Wait, that’s being too nice. How about non-existent? The car was constantly in a state of disrepair up until its appropriately fiery death.
So, Mr. User1312, don’t try to tell me the PT Cruiser is not “a bad car” that “just never got a refresh.” It was born a bad car and no amount of tinkering by Plymouth was ever going to fix it. (Holy crap, how did I not hit on the fact that IT WAS A PLYMOUTH?!) The happiest day in my driving life was when it burst into flames after a crash caused by its brake failure because I knew my ordeal was over. Made in Mexico to be the cheapest vehicle it could be to be sold to old ladies and people with no taste so it could, presumably, kill them. RIP PT Flamer. May ye rot in hell.
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:17 |
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So that's a "no" on wanting to hear a description of the blue PT I parked once full of dog hair, broken sunglasses, tissues, and cigarettes, right?
Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW.
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:19 |
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PT Cruiser is a bad car. Even in Gran Turismo.
Milky
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:21 |
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Haha, great read .... err sorry about your dad's purchases.
CalzoneGolem
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:21 |
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I still have fond memories of my PT it lived a lot of life with me.
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Brian Tschiegg
> RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
08/21/2013 at 13:22 |
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I puked a little in my mouth thinking about it.
Mazarin
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:24 |
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My PT lasted 212K. Good car.
Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
> Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW.
08/21/2013 at 13:24 |
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lol I fail to see how GT would make it a better car.
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RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:24 |
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I neglected to mention the fake alligator-skin purse and the gold-ish heels. Also the "barefoot" pedal covers.
Blondude
> CalzoneGolem
08/21/2013 at 13:25 |
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My exact train of thought when I first saw the lead pic.
"Isn't that CalzoneGolem's PT? Wait, no, his had red steelies..."
"THERE'S TWO PEOPLE ON OPPO WITH PURPLE PT CRUISERS?!"
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CalzoneGolem
> Blondude
08/21/2013 at 13:26 |
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Two people on oppo that used to have PT Cruisers
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RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
08/21/2013 at 13:27 |
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Fictional versions of things *sometimes* exaggerate good qualities. Sometimes. If they exist.
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Brian Tschiegg
> CalzoneGolem
08/21/2013 at 13:28 |
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It looks well loved. Don't get me wrong, it was my first car so it holds a special place in my heart. It also did have some redeeming qualities chief among which was the cargo space. I could fit a whole band's worth of equipment back there.
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CalzoneGolem
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:30 |
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Mountain Commander had a PT also if I remember correctly.
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Brian Tschiegg
> RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
08/21/2013 at 13:31 |
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Oh god. The room is filling with puke now.
William Byrd
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:31 |
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Great idea, bad car.
What part of MD are you in?
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RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:33 |
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The driver was elderly and not taking good care of her skin, so a bit naked mole rat-ey, with her fluffy assistant miffing a bit unbathed. Thin greasy coating on the shifter.
*shudder*
SnoopDouggyDougg
> Milky
08/21/2013 at 13:34 |
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I can't feel sorry for "your" PT Crusier. It was a car that was free given to you at 16. I had to wait till I was 18 to get my license since I had to pay for my own car, my own insurance, maintenance, gas, etc. I would have gladly taken a bigger pos than the pt crusier at 16.
Firewrx234
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:35 |
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My wife got her dream car at the age of 17 a PT CRUISER. Seriously, this is how much she aspires in life.
Honestly, I can't complain about her car. It's been nothing but reliable for her. It hasn't EVER let her down and she's been driving it for 7 or 8 years now. I personally don't like it but at least it's not purple with flames. Hers is a 2-tone silver bottom blue top. Apparently it was custom painted because all original documentation talks about it being a silver car. I honestly am OK with the color just not the type of vehicle. It doesn't have much pickup but that's how the Wifey likes it. She told me, after driving my supercharged Grand Prix, that her car has just enough pickup. Not so much that it jerks away and gives her a headache and not so little that she can't pass people.
I personally wanted to disagree but this is her "Dream Car" and to piss off the Wifey and upset her would not be in my best interest. Not to mention, if we got another car, there's no way it will be as reliable as this thing.
Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:38 |
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Old guy here. Listen up. Just one problem with your story. You are assuming that girls care about your car, with few exceptions like the jalopettes around here like the wonderful $kay and Aya, they don't. Most girls just care that they run and don't leave them stranded on the side of the road.
Yes, the PT sucked as a car, it was noisy inside and had an anemic engine but, believe it or not, when it first came out, other companies were scrambling to get their own retro styled car to market. It was a car that people desired because it was considered unique and served a certain segment. That is why you still see so many of them around.
As for your inability to pick up girls, you just needed to improve your game. Don't blame it on the car.
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Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
> RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
08/21/2013 at 13:41 |
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"if they exist" haha. I guess the turbo 2.4 wasn't a half bad engine
MonkeePuzzle
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:41 |
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a great read! Ugly enough I would have attempted to spray paint it.
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Brian Tschiegg
> Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
08/21/2013 at 13:44 |
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The back seat folded down. It's not like it never saw any action.
I'm just saying that it didn't help anything. I agree though. They mostly just want to know that you'll be able to get them places, and it did that well.
MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 13:52 |
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It burst into flames after that accident? IIIIRRRONNNNYYYYY
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Brian Tschiegg
> William Byrd
08/21/2013 at 14:01 |
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I'm a DMV refugee now. I've actually been in Florida for the past year and a half.
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Milky
> SnoopDouggyDougg
08/21/2013 at 14:05 |
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Well I bought a rusted and beat up cherokee for REAL cheap when I was 16, so its doable. And come on no kid wants their dad to come in a PT cruiser for them.
TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
> RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
08/21/2013 at 14:06 |
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Oh god that's horrible.
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Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW.
> Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
08/21/2013 at 14:41 |
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Well, sometimes GT is making some cars feels better than real life things. Because video games.
But This car is just rubbish.
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Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW.
> Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
08/21/2013 at 14:46 |
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Well said.
I know a friend of mine who loves PT, because she thinks it's a cute car.
Yes, some of girls care about what sort of car her boy drive. But mostly they don't even understand cars at all.
LumberJunk
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 15:42 |
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The grille didn't crack? It just smushed? That's awfully weird?
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Brian Tschiegg
> LumberJunk
08/21/2013 at 16:07 |
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This was actually a very useful and innovative feature. An older lady once quickly backed into my car and, while we were examining the damage, the dent on my bumper just popped out. Plastic body panels FTW
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LumberJunk
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 16:11 |
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Any plastic parts I have ever owned just break :( haha
MountainCommand
> Brian Tschiegg
08/21/2013 at 21:46 |
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As a pt cruiser owner *cough*survivor*cough* as well, i understand. Completely.
My situation was a tad different, as i got mine for the cost of nothing. But it was my grandparents car, ironically enough. This confirms the old people drive PT loosers thing. And i got it at the same age as you. And had to live with it through highschool. I was very happy i had A car, but at the same time, when you tell your teacher in front of the whole class "i spent my weekend washing/waxing/detailing my car" and she asks, ohhhh what kind of car!? "A....a...pt cruiser..." not very fun. At all. I mean, i cared for the car, and treated her like a queen. But was it worth it?
And by George, it was a horrible made car. I sucked coolant like a race horse getting ready for a pissing match. Everything was rust caked when i worked on it. Trans leaked, oil pan leaked, coolant leaked. I suppose it taught me to be good at checking fluids. Had to change my first wheel bearing. at 60K miles, which should never happen. And boy it was a gas guzzler. Even when i drove it like a granny.
Even more ironically, mine met an untimely demise as well! Courtesy of Sandy the hurricane.
But that car built me a fire. A fire burning me up to work, save, and buy the car i wanted. A car i would enjoy. A car i LIKED. A car i could genuinely say I own. Its MY investment. And i did. A prelude is much more enjoyable hahah.
As an ex pt looser owner, im glad you will be able to move on. Although untimely deaths are not fun. Remember NOT to take your car for granted. But think of it as an enlightening. This is what you DONT want in a car haha. I can tell you the japanese build their cars far better than the mexican made bathtub that is the loozer.
I wish you luck in your search for your next ride. May it have 2 doors and hips that do not lie!
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MountainCommand
> Blondude
08/21/2013 at 21:48 |
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i HAD one. It decided to make like a duck to water. But this duck didnt know how to swim, and drowned.
#truestory
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MountainCommand
> CalzoneGolem
08/21/2013 at 21:49 |
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Yesss! im no longer a noun, but a proper-noun!
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CalzoneGolem
> MountainCommand
08/22/2013 at 08:52 |
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My pt ate wheel bearings for breakfast. Seemed like one was always bad or going bad. What do I need for a sticker this year? You know ... besides the wheel bearing.
Dunnik
> Brian Tschiegg
08/23/2013 at 13:56 |
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Someone hated this car so much, they punched it in the nose.
GreenN_Gold
> LumberJunk
08/23/2013 at 14:02 |
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I noticed that too, I figured the grill would be made of a hard type plastic that cracks and doesn't bend. I'm shocked.
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GreenN_Gold
> Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
08/23/2013 at 14:05 |
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I have to disagree. Some girls won't care about your car (the girls you should probably want), but many girls will indeed judge you by your car.
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Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
> GreenN_Gold
08/23/2013 at 14:50 |
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Not caring what other people think has proven to be a very valuable tool to me in life so far.